as if being in vegas on this assignment was so easy, with me so broke, and i get this letter from my publisher. i am new with the company, but no fool, i could see this coming. you see i did not need a job because i already had one. deaddrift editor. took up all my time between fishing. even in the past two years devoured whole chunks of my life, i hadn't met fat marty yet. still a few days in the future, which looked as black as the basalt mountain chunks looming over lake mead grand canyon style. so here is the letter...you see what i am working with here...
"Dear Mr. Bay,
I would like to welcome you to Brute Forge productions, gnuforge division.
We are looking forward to your report from Las Vegas.
Since this is your first assignment with our firm I would like to remind you
of a few guidelines we require of our offsite reporters.
Dress Code:
As was discussed with you at the new employee briefing we do adhere to a
strict dress code.
Though the proper attire is not actually spelled out, you will not on line
10 paragraph 3 on page 29 it states that attire "should reflect that of a
professional" nature. That specification is usually adequate to guide one in
suitable attire for the job. Doing so allows us to delegate the choice to
the employee without dictating some sort of a corporate "uniform". It also
assumes an understanding and an appreciation for acceptable corporate
fashion.
In talking with your managing advisor, Ms.Honey Money, I am concerned about
your interpretation of "acceptable corporate attire".
Ms. Money has reported to me when you were asked to appear for your
interview in proper corporate dress that you literally arrived in a
"corporate dress".
While she thought it quite stunning, the black off the shoulder minidress
you chose may not be suitable for all occasions. Even elegant accessorizing may not be adequate in overcoming our more staid client's unease with such
transgender displays.
I am not sure if this was some sort of misunderstanding or if it was some
sort of rebellious statement. In the event that it was the former, we prefer
that such crossdressing not spill over into your professional life.Let me reiterate, Dockers and a blue button down long sleeve shirt is as
wild as we get in this corporation. (Sandals with dark socks is our
concession to casual.)
Cash Advances:
Ms. Money also informed me that you asked for an unusually large cash
advance for the trip. While we wish to assist our off site staff with
unexpected expenses when withdrawals exceed the $100,000 mark it raises a
few flags. If you would be so kind as to explain the use of said funds will
assist accounting in determining the necessity of your planned expenditures.
In particular:
Airfare: 1324.04 First Class flight Omaha to Las Vegas International
Staff reporters usually fly coach if the destination exceeds
on days driving distance of
500 miles.
Car: 6342.32 Rental fee for Dodge Viper for 5 days.
The standard rental is to cover gas and mileage for a
subcompact vehicle as long as all
mileage is accounted towards allowed business
transportation. Meticulous documentaion will help you avoid denial of reimbursement.
Hotel: 2254.54 Mustang Ranch Casino Hotel While we appreciate the need to reside in comfortable lodging during a business trip we
contract exclusively with Best Western which have vacancies
within the minimum 11 mile limit to Las Vegas.
Misc: The remaining 90,000 sum for miscellaneous expenses was
inadvertently transferred to an anonymous off shore account. I am not sure how this got by Ms. Money after her meeting with you she seemed uncharacteristically disorganized and distracted. While she attributed it to some sort of virus she has been vague on her success in recovering those
funds. She keeps assuring me that you are quite honorable
and that those funds will be returned. I am relieved that Honey Money will be
accompanying you on your first trip as she will be better able to advise you on unwise spending.
Aside from these "misunderstandings" we wish you luck on your first assignment, and we are looking forward to the piece you have outlined on "The working Women of Las Vegas".
Much of our readership demographic is the professional woman and your
article is important to retaining their loyalty to our women's issues
portal. We anxiously await your daily reports.
WS, President
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